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2015: The Year of Giving Up
Jan. 4th, 2015 06:05 pmI have only one resolution/goal/commitment/whatever for the coming year:
I give up.
Motivation, goals, aspirations, and plans are not what I lack. Alas, I also have no lack of worthless reactions and preoccupations that distract and derail me. So rather than focus on all the things I want to accomplish (Oh, that list is long and varied!), I will instead strive to rid myself of those things that get in my way.
... and after writing and deleting and re-writing a list, I realize there are only two things I must truly give up:
1) I must give up the belief others will understand if given enough information.
2) I must give up caring about the opinion of those who cannot or will not understand.
And after I give those things on, I must move on and embrace those who already understand.
This applies to my writing. This applies to my teaching. This applies to my event speaking and workshop coordination. It means I'll take more chances -- big and small -- and just smile and nod at those who urge me to stay on the safe side. It means I'll talk less with most folks who wish I'd just settle in to something simple, and talk more with the few folks who share my determination, aspiration, and outlook.
It wasn't until the time came to move fully from mostly-at-home mother back into the professional realm that I realized just how limited others' opinions of me were. I've seen it pop up now and then, and have even found it amusing on occasion. (I admit to more than one incident of name-dropping just to see someone stammer.) But it wasn't until the last year, when I moved farther outside the microcosm of in-person contacts I've known for some time, that I realized how much I was permitting those limits to affect my professional opportunities.
I've wasted months trying to make that change, hoping if I could just show/tell/explain something, those folks brushing me off with kindly words would stop. Instead, it's been draining my time, my energy, and my confidence.
Surprise! I don't need them change. I need to move on.
I started the process around the middle of the last year, when I stopped seeing wellness coaching clients and teaching wellness workshops locally. This angered many people who say, with a straight face, I should provide those "services" for free or low cost because people need them. Hey, I'd be happy to do it if the power company and the gas station would accept "But I did a nice thing!" as payment. And frankly, the majority of people asking me to do those things for free make more money than I do.
So now I need to apply the principles to all other parts of life. In 2015, I will strive to waste less time on seeking understanding (in other words, support and approval for the sake of my ego), and invest that time instead in making my life happen. The more baggage I set down, the stronger I am as I create my future.
I already have a little start. "Come for a visit!" says a friend out west. "I have people who want to talk business with you."
Giving up is the best thing I've done in awhile.
I give up.
Motivation, goals, aspirations, and plans are not what I lack. Alas, I also have no lack of worthless reactions and preoccupations that distract and derail me. So rather than focus on all the things I want to accomplish (Oh, that list is long and varied!), I will instead strive to rid myself of those things that get in my way.
... and after writing and deleting and re-writing a list, I realize there are only two things I must truly give up:
1) I must give up the belief others will understand if given enough information.
2) I must give up caring about the opinion of those who cannot or will not understand.
And after I give those things on, I must move on and embrace those who already understand.
This applies to my writing. This applies to my teaching. This applies to my event speaking and workshop coordination. It means I'll take more chances -- big and small -- and just smile and nod at those who urge me to stay on the safe side. It means I'll talk less with most folks who wish I'd just settle in to something simple, and talk more with the few folks who share my determination, aspiration, and outlook.
It wasn't until the time came to move fully from mostly-at-home mother back into the professional realm that I realized just how limited others' opinions of me were. I've seen it pop up now and then, and have even found it amusing on occasion. (I admit to more than one incident of name-dropping just to see someone stammer.) But it wasn't until the last year, when I moved farther outside the microcosm of in-person contacts I've known for some time, that I realized how much I was permitting those limits to affect my professional opportunities.
I've wasted months trying to make that change, hoping if I could just show/tell/explain something, those folks brushing me off with kindly words would stop. Instead, it's been draining my time, my energy, and my confidence.
Surprise! I don't need them change. I need to move on.
I started the process around the middle of the last year, when I stopped seeing wellness coaching clients and teaching wellness workshops locally. This angered many people who say, with a straight face, I should provide those "services" for free or low cost because people need them. Hey, I'd be happy to do it if the power company and the gas station would accept "But I did a nice thing!" as payment. And frankly, the majority of people asking me to do those things for free make more money than I do.
So now I need to apply the principles to all other parts of life. In 2015, I will strive to waste less time on seeking understanding (in other words, support and approval for the sake of my ego), and invest that time instead in making my life happen. The more baggage I set down, the stronger I am as I create my future.
I already have a little start. "Come for a visit!" says a friend out west. "I have people who want to talk business with you."
Giving up is the best thing I've done in awhile.
